An inside look at Rush Limbaugh's target market

For those of you wondering who on earth actually does listen to Rush Limbaugh, here's a peek at one man who does.

From Yahoo! News and The Joplin Globe:

PITTSBURG, Kan. - Steve Graham might not be in the doghouse over a dispute with his wife, but as far as his neighbors are concerned, he's not far from it. For the past seven years, Graham, 55, has been living in his car parked in the backyard of a house he and his wife, La Donna Graham, own.

Graham said the two have "been having troubles" since 1999 and that he's been out of the house since about 2000. His wife still lives in the home.

"She's not going to support me not having a job and bumming around," Graham said. "I'm trying my best to get a job and get up out of this rut."

But his neighbors, who say Graham plays loud music, often spouts obsenity-laced tirades and uses his yard as a toilet, aren't amused. They have asked the city to prohibit such living arrangements.

"You can't enjoy your backyard," said Linda Sanders, whose backyard is across the alley from Graham's property.

(snip)

"Every day he's out there. He never goes into the house," Kenny Waring said. "He sleeps out there, he eats out there, he watches TV, he plays guitar. ... Everything that you do in your house, he does out there."

Graham acknowledged that he watches TV, listens to music and sometimes sleeps in his blue, 1989 Buick Century. The car is parked on a concrete slab, mostly covered by a large, blue tarp that is secured with bricks and cinder blocks.

An extension cord from the house to the car provides power for a 13-inch TV, an oscillating fan and a radio.

"I get better reception there than I do in there," he said, pointing at the house. "I listen to Rush (Limbaugh) every day, just about."

(snip)

The neighbors say one of their biggest complaints is that Graham may be using his yard for a toilet.

(continued)

So, there you have it. Looks like a pretty desirable demographic for Fats Lowbrow er, Rush Limbaugh. Must be one of those 'personal responsibility' Republicans.

LTR follows the money

"Just when I thought that I was out they pull me back in."

- Michael Corleone, as portrayed by Al Pacino, in The Godfather: Part III

I was hoping what I wrote last week would be the end of it. Every once in a while I just gotta get one of those things out of my system. And I thought I had said all I needed to say about Media Matters for America, George Soros and paranoid right-wing talk show hosts. But sure enough, another reason comes along to write something about it. Here we go again.

Bill O'Reilly of FOX Noise Channel hates Media Matters. I mean, he really hates them. So much that in the past, he's compared them to the likes of Mao, Castro, the Ku Klux Klan, and the Nazis. He called them "cowards" and "people who are afraid to answer any questions," yet will not allow anyone from MMfA to come on his show to spar with him. And now, MMfA must have really pissed O'Liely off, since he has trotted out his own personal doomsday device. His own neutron bomb. Yes, in his strange personal game of "six degrees of separation," he has a chart that links MMfA to George Soros' deep pockets. With this, he grasps at all the straws he possibly can in proving that, while Soros hasn't directly given money to the group, organizations funded by Soros have themselves sent money to MMfA. Oh the horror!

Only thing is, you'll never hear about why Soros is such a bad man on the "All-Spin Zone." Oh sure, you'll hear accusations of insider trading. Or that he's some kind of radical to the left of Abbie Hoffman. Or that he was a teenage Nazi back in World War II. Or that he's some kind of Dr. Evil, set on world domination (no doubt complete with laserbeam-fitted sharks and his mysterious Alan Parsons Project). Suffice it to say, O'Reilly's gone batshit crazy.

Now, here's a guy, Soros, who's a self-made billionaire, and in turn spent a lot of money fighting communism in Eastern Europe. One would assume that would make him a virtual hero to the right-wing of America. He sounds like a Reagan Republican's dream guy. Only one problem, though - he turned on the Bush Administration. A big no-no. Even after being buddy-buddy with the Bushes in Carlyle Group. Even after Harkin Energy, which Soros was part owner of, bailed out Junior's failed oil company, Soros soured on Dubya's economic and foreign policies. The war in Iraq was the final straw. First, he ran full-page ads in major US newspapers challenging the honesty of the Bush administration's rationale for the war. He also wrote a book, The Bubble of American Supremacy, which criticized the president's foreign policy. Then he pledged to spend up to $30 million to help defeat Bush in the 2004 election, donating nearly $24 million to various political action committees and liberal think tanks. The biggest beneficiaries of Soros' generosity were Americans Coming Together ($10 million), MoveOn.org ($2.5 million) and the Center for American Progress ($3 million). It's a rather small list. And no, Media Matters was not on that list. And neither was Air America Radio. Soros basically shot his $30 million load and left. But that $30 million is why the right-wing hates him so much. Or, they're scared shitless of the guy. So much that they're making up myths about this alleged bogeyman.

Michael Savage called Soros "a totally dangerous individual" who "doesn't miss an opportunity to attack this country" and "should be stripped of his citizenship." Right-wing activist David Horowitz, backed by quite a few generous right wing benefactors himself, has made ridiculous claims about Soros' campaign donations. O'Reilly called him "the big left-wing loon who's financing all these smear sites," and added, "They ought to hang this Soros guy." When Soros recently donated $2,100 to Barack Obama's presidential campaign, O'Reilly put on his tinfoil hat, oblivious to the fact that Soros once donated the same sum of money to John McCain. He really lives in fear in his belief that Soros is waging a war against him via MMfA. In short, Bill O'Reilly is one big pussy.

But enough about Soros. As I claimed last week, Soros isn't the only one doing it. On the left, there's Progressive Insurance CEO Peter Lewis and a few others. But that's a drop in the bucket compared to the other side. See, on the right, there's a whole ton of people. Some of the names I mentioned in the past, such as cult leader Sun Myung Moon and Rupert Murdoch are pretty out in the open. They invest in blatant partisan media geared toward right-wing propaganda. Richard DeVos, founder of the Amway pyramid scheme, has long been one of the biggest contributors to the Republican Party, and his kids have followed suit.

Behind the scenes, though, are a wide variety of billionaires, families, corporations and foundations throwing obscene amounts of money at political action committees, think tanks, media watchdog organizations, lobbying groups, and various propaganda outlets. Many of them stay out of the limelight. In this group, you'll find families like the Coors in Colorado, the Bradleys of Milwaukee, the Olin Foundation and others. They're still giving. But the most effective sugardaddy of them all is in Pittsburgh. The man is Richard Mellon Scaife.

Recall last week when I claimed that Moon was the top fatcat for the New Right. In terms of total spent, he likely is. But Scaife is the one who got the biggest bang for his buck. It's very likely that people like O'Reilly will never talk about right-wing moneymen like Scaife who heavily fund ventures designed to attack the left. Of course he wouldn't. Otherwise, he'll sound like a complete hypocrite. Most wingnuts will never acknowledge the efforts of the Coors, the Bradleys and the Scaifes. Even the Radio Tranquilizer has been whining that they don't have their own Soros or Lewis. Evidently, he's either not doing his homework or there are some things he just refuses to tell his readers. They're just pissy because we're now playing the game on their turf. The usual B.S. you hear is that left-leaning donors are squashing the right-wing with their spending. But that's utterly ridiculous. See, I have decided to track where all that right-wing foundation money goes, and after taking a trip down the rabbit hole, was pretty damned shocked to see where it all wound up. In fact, I struggled like crazy in making a similar chart to the simplistic one that O'Reilly's people coughed up, just because it went in so many directions. Here's a partial chart of what I came up with:


It's time to follow the money.

Now, who is Richard Mellon Scaife? He's an insanely rich man living in Pittsburgh, with interests in banking, oil, uranium and newspapers. Unlike Soros, who earned his own way from a poor immigrant, Scaife made his money the old fashioned way - he inherited it. And while Soros kept reinvesting his money to make more money, in that grand ol' American tradition, Scaife used his money to gain influence, spending roughly a third of his fortune on various right wing causes. Scaife is a man that seems to lurk in the shadows. He's a bit reclusive. He doesn't go on FOX Noise and play pundit. He doesn't write op-eds in the paper. In the grand tradition of Hearst, Hughes and others, he stays out of the limelight.

Even for a newspaper publisher, he's not very media-friendly. When former Wall Street Journal reporter Karen Rothmeyer, denied an interview on several occasions, ran into him on the street and asked him about his donations, an enraged Scaife yelled "You f*cking Communist c*nt, get out of here." In the remaining five minutes of the interview, Scaife told her she was ugly and that her teeth were "terrible." He closed by saying, "Don't look behind you." Wow, now THAT'S unhinged!

"If a liberal politician doesn't toe the Soros line, he or she will be denied funding and brutally attacked. Just ask Senator Joseph Lieberman about what MoveOn and Media Matters did to him," claimed O'Reilly. Yeah, just like Scaife did when Brock was canned for not being mean enough to Hillary Clinton and severed ties to American Spectator when they gave a bad review to a book by one of his henchmen. Pot, say hello to kettle.

Scaife is the Kevin Bacon of the New Right, in that just about anything and everything neocon seems to have connection to him, within even fewer degrees. So, how much has he forked over to prop up the right-wing? By 1999, according to the Washington Post, Scaife's foundations have forked over $340 million dollars to conservative causes and groups. Again, this is just Scaife we're talking about here. Granted, Scaife isn't forking it over like he used to, but thanks to his past efforts, the groups that he's given to are the ones now paying it forward.

To start with, Scaife made a shady donation of $990,000 to the 1972 re-election campaign of Richard Nixon. Due to loopholes, he wasn't charged with a crime, but roughly $45,000 of that went to a fund linked to the Watergate scandal. Quite a beginning there, Dick!

What really got Scaife hot though was a semi-obscure Arkansas governor named Bill Clinton. Fearing that this guy actually stood a decent chance of beating Bush I in the 1992 election, Scaife brought out all the guns. He was a major backer of The American Spectator, a right-wing magazine that was planning an all-out smear campaign now commonly referred to as "The Arkansas Project." The purpose was to find out anything about Clinton, and if that wasn't good enough, just make stuff up. This is where stuff like Paula Jones came from. And later Whitewater, the suicide of Vince Foster (which they tried to paint as a murder), and whatever else they could pull out of their asses. The purpose was to force Clinton from office and endlessly dog and harass him and his family. This was with the help of Scaife's own personal attack dog reporter, Christopher Ruddy, who later founded NewsMax.com. In other words, lots of time and effort was spent in trying to topple a presidency, an act that could theoretically be considered treason. Scaife sunk a ton of his own money into these ventures, reportedly almost $2 million dollars (not counting money he gave to then-House Speaker and Clinton antagonist Newt Gingrich's various groups), giving Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr a lot to work with. Ironically (or not), Scaife endowed a new school of public policy at Pepperdine University, and Starr was named its first dean. A controversy brewed, and Starr turned it down, before accepting it again in 2004.

Ironically, Scaife indirectly helped fund MMfA, since founder David Brock was a top writer for American Spectator at the time of the Arkansas Project, and was paid handsomely to lash out at the Clintons with various ridiculous claims. Following an eventual change of heart and his brave decision to publicly declare his sexual orientation, Brock drifted toward the other side and founded MMfA, obviously using some of the money paid to him from the Spectator's coffers. We can thank Scaife in part for that.

Like many other conservative sugardaddies, Scaife sunk money into other ventures. The American Enterprise Institute was another big benefactor, and they in turn helped prop up the epicenter of neo-conservatism, the Project for a New American Century (PNAC), as well as the Federalist Society, which could be seen as the starting point for conservative trash-talker Ann Coulter. Coulter's scating columns have since been published in various Scaife media ventures.

And while O'Reilly and his ilk constantly charge that Soros funds MMfA, several conservative-leaning media watchdogs have stuck their hands in Scaife's cookie jar. Directly. The Center for Media and Public Affairs is one, and the ironically-titled Accuracy in Media is another beneficiary. You remember AIM, right? They were out front in the whole Vince Foster conspiracy. But the most well-known of these watchdogs is the Media Research Center (MRC), headed by Brent Bozell, complete with a $6 million annual budget and 60 staff members. And they've even branched out, starting their very own news organization, the Cybercast (formerly Conservative) News Service (CNS). They were the ones that claimed they had proof of Saddam Hussein's WMD's. In addition, the MRC started up a MMfA-type blog, Newsbusters.org. MRC's affiliate, the Parents Television Council (PTC), is similar in nature. The MRC has also helped encourage the efforts of the Swift Boat Veterans for Truth, whose purpose was to dog John Kerry with lies and vague accusations during the 2004 presidential campaign. And unlike MMfA, the MRC/PTC has actually taken their fight against liberalism to the government, in the form of various complaints to the FCC.

Scaife has also thrown money at right-wing news organizations. Besides his ownership of the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, he presently has an ownership stake in NewsMax.com. He donated to Heritage Society and Moral Majority founder Paul Weyrich's Free Congress Foundation, which in turn started an ill-fated conservative TV network, National Empowerment Television (later America's Voice), a venture that turned out to be a financial sinkhole that nobody watched. He also sent $330,000 directly to the Western Journalism Center, which helped start Joseph Farah's WorldNetDaily.com.

Scaife sent money to the Center for the Study of Popular Culture, a group founded by former Marxist-turned-right wing activist David Horowitz. Horowitz in turn started FrontPageMag.com, Discover the Networks, which tracks funding to and from left-leaning causes, and most curiously, the Matt Drudge Defense Fund, which supported him in a lawsuit a few years back. Needless to say, Drudge knows who his sugardaddy is.

Lately, Scaife has been a buyer of buyer of books, in mass quantities. Ever wonder about those high rankings on the New York Times bestseller lists for conservative books? Or those conservative book clubs offering titles for ridiculously low prices? Thank Scaife for that, since he buys in bulk. Particularly titles from Regnery Press, which publishes the work of Michelle Malkin, David Limbaugh and most famously, "Unfit for Command," which helped jumpstart that "Swift Boat Veterans for Truth" thing a few years back. Ah, yes - another connection to the Swift Nuts!

And Scaife also contributed money and resources to the Council for National Policy, a secretive networking group that counts among its members a who's-who of the New Right, including Bozell, Moon, DeVos, Pat Robertson, Donald Wildmon, Jerry Falwell, Grover Norquist, disgraced congressman Tom DeLay, Senator Trent Lott, Tommy Thompson and others. Whew!

Needless to say, Scaife gets around. And it's not just him either. The names of Coors and Bradley also pop up here and there. But for head marionette status, nobody can top Scaife. Sure, he didn't make much financial return on these investments, but for overall influence and power, he most certainly got his money's worth. So when people like O'Reilly piss and moan about the right wing being horribly underfunded, we can all laugh at him. Or when Brian Maloney whines on his fact-lacking blog about the lack of a Soros or Lewis on his side (that is, when he's not writing ridiculous entries about Sheryl Crow and toilet paper - which is a fitting topic for him, since he is kind of an asswipe anyway), then we can point him in the right direction and he can stop begging his readers to send him money. So consider this a helpful tool for the right. That's right, I'm providing a service here. Because, if you get all your news from Rush Limbaugh, the FOX Noise Channel and AM radio, you'll likely never know about the Coors, or the Bradleys, or the John M. Olin Foundation, or Jeremiah Milbank, or ExxonMobil, or Lockheed Martin, or any of the other 'philanthropists', foundations, corporations or other sugardaddies and fatcats.

And certainly not Richard Mellon Scaife.

In an ironic footnote, the Scaife Family Foundation is now under the control of his daughter Jennie, and the focus has changed quite a bit. Much of the money currently goes to nonpolitical projects such as medical programs, drug treatment and animal welfare. They also send money to Planned Parenthood, though against her father's wishes. Hey, at least there's still all those other donors, foundations and think tanks, provided they haven't jumped ship already. But thanks to the infrastructure provided by the likes of Scaife, they can all sail on autopilot for a long time to come.

Attack of the conservative crybabies

It certainly hasn't been a good week to be a conservative.

For a movement that endlessly exclaims from the highest perches to 'support the troops', they certainly don't walk the talk, especially considering that the Bush Administration allowed the top military hospital in the country to descend below care facilities in third world countries. This week, we found out what their idea of 'supporting the troops' really meant, as a scandal involving Walter Reed Hospital resulted in many heads-a-rolling. Yes kids, 'supporting the troops' is much more than waving flags and listening to country music.

Then Annthrax Annie Coulter's childish schoolyard antics at last Friday's Conservative Political Action Conference created such an outcry that even the most strident supporters of the 'Minister of Hate' have practically abandoned her. And advertisers on her website pulled out. It's rather telling that they supported her attack on the 9/11 widows and her call for death sentences against Muslims and liberals, but an immature schoolyard taunt looks to finally drive a stake through the heart of the beast.

A few days later, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby Jr., close aide to Vice President Cheney fell on his sword for the sake of the administration and was convicted of four felony counts related to the administration purposely blowing the cover of former CIA agent Valerie Plame. Tsk, tsk. Of course, this does not bode well for the rather shaky foundation on which the Bush Administration currently sits. Cries for impeachment are getting louder and louder, and even Bush's Iraq boondoggle could come to a quicker end, since the Democrats in Congress are close to setting a deadline for withdrawal. For once, the buck just may stop at Bush's desk, as Plame is set to testify before Congress, and more and more roads are increasingly leading to the White House. Sucks to be Dubya right now.

Former House Speaker and perrenial hypocritical Republican scumbag Newt Gingrich, who led the witch hunt against former President Bill Clinton in the '90s over his extramarital dalliances, admitted to Focus on the Family's James Dobson (who usually seems way too concerned about focusing on everyone else's families) what the whole world already suspected - he was having an affair of his own while bashing Clinton over his. In the understatement of the year, he confessed, "There are times that I have fallen short of my own standards." Evidentially, Gingrich assumes that coming clean in this fashion would help bolster his already dead-in-the-water presidential bid. Well, hate to break it to you Newt, but you have no standards. You dumped your first wife on her deathbed, for cryin' out loud!

And the wingnuts' favorite whipping boy, Air America Radio, looks to have a new lease on life. Of course, this being a blog about liberal/progressive talk radio and alternative media, the focus of this entry was originally going to be about reaction to the changing of the guard at the network, particularly the reaction from Air America's harshest critics. I started this article a few days ago and let it sit and ferment with age. And a few other articles here in the past few days got tons of attention and took away some of my time, including one quickie entry about Air America's webstream problems and one I wrote about John Edwards' boycott of the FOX 'News'-sponsored Democratic debate this summer. Buzzflash took note of my FOX 'News' article and linked it prominently on their front page (they had done previously last month with an article I wrote about Thom Hartmann). Needless to say, this link placement generated roughly 1,500 more hits on this site. Thanks guys!

Since there are other blogs that cover Annthrax Annie's antics and the Libby Trial much better than I possible could, I'll stick to what I know. So, Air America has risen from the ashes, and of course the wingnut blogs are talking about it, though not as much as the bankruptcy filing a few months ago (they really hate good news). Still, the usual gang of idiots weighed in with their predictable responses.

Ravenous Air America cheerleader Brian Maloney, aka the Radio Equalizer Tranquilizer is enthusiastic about the change, raving about new company president Mark Green's "bold vision." He continued, "You’re going to incorporate blogs, audio streaming and video clips into your website? Nobody’s ever thought of that!"

He also seemed rather enthusiastic about Stephen L. Green's purchase, and what it meant for his brother, "Hey Bro, thanks for the gig!" Of course, this statement from Maloney is quite ironic, since he should be the last person to get snarky about anyone's employment status (Green already has a successful career, BTW). He also pondered how liberal 'investors' have no real idea how a radio network should be run. Kinda like getting fired from a part-time radio gig and setting up an attack blog directed at your former employer, right? Gee, how professional. Remember, always question the source.

Maloney also lamented the loss of their affiliate in Burlington, VT. Also ironic in that it is quite unlikely he could actually find Burlington on a map.

He concludes with a tease that there will be "an elephant in the room," a veiled threat promise of new piles o' steaming hot Radio Tranquilizer silliness, soon to be delivered to the gullible readers of his blog, who will no doubt swallow every single nonsensical word. I'll bet he really, really misses Al Franken.

So, what exactly is this 'elephant'? Well, the very next entry on his blog contained perhaps the most earth-shattering development to have come thus far in the whole Air America affair. Something that will rock the network off its shaky foundation. And a development that could go so far as to disrupt the earth's axis. Yes indeed, someone at Mother Jones dissed Air America. Yawn. Not like its a big deal anyway. They don't like Air America and that's fine. And the ancient hippies folks at Mother Jones spend more time sucking up to the likes of Maloney than their own side. I say piss off to them. In the age of the internet, they've become a leftist relic of the past. So, in essence, this whole thing boils down to "yeah, what he said." Sheesh! No wonder why the effeminate-voiced Maloney can't move beyond 'whiny fringe part-timer' in radio. That and the squeaky voice, of course.

Of course, while Maloney and his ilk love it when people on the left devour their own, he's rather mum about a recent notable act of cannibalism on his side of the fence. Even his own buddy Michelle Malkin figures into this rather prominently. So, back to Eva Braun Annthrax Annie Coulter. Ol' Horseface, while playing her usual game of 'how low can you go,' referred to Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards as a "faggot," proving once and for all that her education level had not progressed beyond fourth grade. Well, none of her ilk really said anything about her until the proverbial shit hit the mainstream media fan. And when it did, she started losing many friends. Maloney's partner-in-grime Malkin was one of those to blast her boorish behavior, saying Coultler "sullied the hard work of hundreds of CPAC participants and exhibitors and tarred the collective reputation of thousands of CPAC attendees." Funny, the Tranquilizer has been very, very mum about this backlash, as he has with Walter Reed, Scooter Libby and anything else not FOX 'News'-approved. In fact, in keeping with his typical fashion, he's really said nothing that makes a whole hell of a lot of sense. An article that, as is often the case with Your Radio Tranquilizer, is really about nothing. Ironic, since this incident has virtually exploded throughout the mainstream media, and even spilled over onto his beloved talk radio. Yet, nary a peep from Screech. Instead, we hear about how some nobody at Mother Jones is skeptical about the future of Air America. Hmm...

Let's be honest here, Maloney's a parasite. He needs Air America more than Air America needs him. They're still in business and everyone currently there still has a job, while he's still trying to hold together a career of infrequent radio fill-ins, ridiculous attempts at self-promotion, flogging cheese baskets via Amazon and trashing former employers in the media while trying to make himself into a very low-tiered pseudo-celebrity. He's merely a whiny attention whore, endlessly wallowing in misery to help prop up his ridiculously low level of self-esteem. In short, the guy's a complete loser.

Speaking of losers, further down the nutosphere we find Lone Wacko over at BoreAmerica, who has been blogging on the fringes and eating Maloney's scraps for going on three years, hovering around Air America since day one like a ravenous vulture waiting for his feast to drop dead. In another example of pure irony, BoreAmerica got shut down for most of Tuesday afternoon, replaced with a message demanding payment to the site's host. Guess he forgot to toss more quarters in the coin slot next to the hard drive, huh? So, the guy who blasts Air America for not paying their bills can't pay his own. I just can't make this stuff up! Anyway, he must have cleared a little room on the Visa card and got back on, with the first hasty post accusing Air America's new owners of trying to profit from the Iraq war. Interestingly enough, I have yet to see any mention of Halliburton on that site, but should I really be surprised?

And with his Air America-attack blog looking to buy the proverbial farm, Lone Wackjob is directing his energies elsewhere, attacking Wikipedia for (get this)... bias. He's even been spamming the comments on Tranquilizer's blog to pimp this ridiculous endeavor. Guess he didn't get the memo that anyone can edit Wikipedia, including dumbasses like him. Duh! Well, let's just hope he can pay the hosting bill. If not, he could always go to Conservopedia, a new wiki that should be a bit more friendly to his ilk. Where else can you find out that dinosaurs and man coexisted? Remember, never let something as simple as facts get in the way of anything!

And of course, there's the gang over at liberal message board Free Republic. They're so optimistic about the changes at Air America that they chime in with their own business advice:

If this was a business under the same roof the only hope they would have would be arson to collect the insurance money, then go under.

He is going to end up with a small fortune on Air America, by starting out with a large fortune.

...and just what he go for his money and assumed liabilities?

I've got some good advice for him if he wants to turn a profit: Book conservative talk shows.

Ahhh... you can just feel the love!

If you prefer your commentary bordering on the absurd, mentally-challenged wanna-be toughguy and lower-tier blogger Leather Penguin Idiot gets in his own two cents, once again demonstrating his complete lack of knowledge of the radio industry:

Yes, Virginia, the firesale WAS about finding that moron Markie a job:

Skippy? You’re paying WWRL three mill per for a shit signal… and have outstanding debts that will keep you in court for years. You netlet don’t currently control morning drive on your alleged “flagship.”

You’re hosed.

In full disclosure, last fall, I threw a bone to this guy, adding a comment that politely corrected some very, very wrong information that could flat-out embarrass him (as if he needed any additional help in that regard). Needless to say, the Penguin lost it completely. The best he could muster was "blow me." I'd print the rest, but I'm trying to keep this thing somewhat short, and to keep this as kid-friendly as possible (hey, I'm tryin').

Funny thing is, around the time of the exchange, I checked his readership stats. For all that work, he was pulling in less than 50 readers a day. And it certainly hasn't changed much either. Lotta work for no readers, don'tcha think? How 'bout less South Park, more maturity?

Elsewhere, there are still some wingnuts that have fully convinced themselves that Air America is no longer in business. Take this guy, Steve Yuhas, who even titles his op-ed, "If only liberals still had Air America..." Ironic , since his station, KOGO in San Diego, is right down the freaking hall from KLSD, a station that carries... Air America Radio! One would think he'd realize this, even with his one-hour Sunday evening show. And this nut actually thinks they're out of business as well! Lesson to be learned: Being on the left means never having to make shit up.

And conservatives should grow thicker skins and stop acting like crybabies.

Unfunny conservatives and "Mallard Fillmore" creator's DUI

From the 'humorless right-wing hypocrites' file comes this little tidbit about unfunny conservative cartoonist Bruce Tinsley.

Tinsley, creator of the conservative comic strip Mallard Fillmore, was arrested in Columbus Dec. 4 and charged with operating a vehicle under the influence -- his second alcohol-related arrest in less that four months, according to the Bartholomew County Sheriff's Department.

Tinsley, 48, who lives in Columbus, had a blood-alcohol level of 0.14 -- almost twice the level at which an Indiana driver is considered intoxicated. He posted $755 bond.

On Aug. 26, Tinsley was arrested for public intoxication, according to the sheriff's department.

Mallard Fillmore, about a conservative duck, appears in almost 400 newspapers nationwide, including The Indianapolis Star.

Well, I guess that explains why "Mallard Fillmore" is the biggest laugh-free comic strip since "The Family Circus" (though this version is hilarious). For those not familiar with Tinsley's atrocity, this feeble attempt at a cartoon is positioned as a wingnut answer to "Doonesbury". Only difference is that while Garry Trudeau's strip is often funny and ironic, "Mallard Fillmore" is neither. Often, the thing reads like a moronic wingnut whinefest with cheapshot attacks aimed at Democrats, tired political correctness cliches and liberal celebrities. Essentially, it's kinda like a comic strip from Ann Coulter, but she's actually mildly funny, albeit in an unintentionally tragic and pathetic way. Tinsley's work is simply just crude and ill-informed.

One of the problems with "Mallard Fillmore" is that conservatives, by nature, are really not funny. Often, conservative 'humor' comes off as just plain mean spirited and whiney. They also seem to just simply tread tired gags and stereotypes. Clinton blow-job jokes were a staple of late-night television in the 1990s, now they're pretty worn out as conservatives still use them. Same with the hippie and tree-hugger jokes. They seem so hard-up for material, they're even trying to dig up the grave of shamed commie-baiter Joe McCarthy.

Humor and satire work much more effectively when directed toward those in power, or rather unpopular subjects. Poking fun at 'the establishment' is effective, while ribbing the disenfranchised comes across as bullying.

Humor also has a self-depricating quality to it. Without it, the budding jokester comes across as a shallow hypocrite (as Tinsley has in his mocking of Sen. Ted Kennedy). Many on the right claim that "The Daily Show" has an outright liberal bias toward it. Even FOX 'News', as well as a few others, are planning their own answer to it. But "The Daily Show" often mocks those on the left as well, such as the funny bit about Nancy Pelosi replacing the Pledge of Allegiance with a passage from The Vagina Monologues. The creators of "South Park" have a distinct advantage, as Trey Parker and Matt Stone have been very vocal about their strong dislike of both conservatives and liberals. Maintaining a political viewpoint rarely takes precedence over a good joke. Even the occasional funny conservative such as P.J. O'Rourke realizes this. While Rush Limbaugh enjoyed some success ridiculing the party in power during the 1990s (Democrats), his show has sounded much more whiney and apologetic since the Republicans took over. Ever hear Limbaugh mock Republicans? Of course not.

All in all, when conservatives try to be funny, they most often come across as a straight-forward version of Frank Burns from the classic TV series "M*A*S*H", even though the late, great Larry Linville brilliantly played the ultra-conservative war hawk character for laughs as a satire in itself. And the character was embraced by millions because of it. Stephen Colbert gets this too, as he brilliantly satirizes conservative commentators every night.

Most of the time, conservative humor comes across as unintentionally funny. Recently, a University of Texas student group called the "Young Conservatives of Texas" created a parody Christmas nativity scene, complete with a gay couple called Gary and Joseph standing in for the expectant parents, a terrorist shepherd with a bomb strapped to himself, Marx, Stalin and Lenin as the three wise men, incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi as an angel and no baby Jesus in the manger. It was an ill-informed protest directed at the ACLU, who are obviously a non-partisan group (they even defended Rush Limbaugh, for cryin' out loud!). Now, if this nativity scene parody were done by a left-leaning group, it would have been much funnier. Instead, as a conservative protest, it's mostly met with groans and eye-rolling. The last laugh came from the ACLU, who have taken the whole protest in stride: "I think it's fairly festive,' said ACLU executive director Will Harrell. "We want to make sure they have a right to freely exercise their First Amendment right. But keep in mind, nothing in the First Amendment requires that you be accurate about the information. The First Amendment protects parody as well."

Now that's funny!

Even funnier is the thought of the letters of adoration that are soon to come in over this article. Such as this one from "Peter Mccabe" (his spelling, not mine), who obviously is a big fan of this site:

From: "Peter M Mccabe"
To: ltradiomail@yahoo.com
Subject:
Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 12:14:38 -0600

you people are full of hate

Full of 'hate'? No way! We're full of loooooove! Now, if you would have said "full of shit", then you may have a point...

Ann Coulter commits a felony (Will she do the 'perp walk'?)

Not only does conservative screecher/shrill media whore Ann Coulter condone election fraud, it looks like she practices what she preaches.

Ann the Man has refused to cooperate in an investigation about whether she voted in the wrong precinct, so the case will likely be turned over to Florida state prosecutors, Palm Beach County's elections chief said Wednesday.

After all, why should she? Anyone who disagrees with her is just Godless, right?

Elections Supervisor Arthur Anderson said his office has been looking into the matter for nearly nine months, and he would turn over the case to the state attorney's office by Friday.

Coulter's attorney did not immediately return a telephone message Wednesday and her telephone number in Palm Beach is unaccessable to the little people. Her publisher's publicist also would not respond to messages.

Anderson's office received a complaint in February that Coulter allegedly voted in the wrong precinct during a Feb. 7 Palm Beach town council election. Since then, Anderson said he has made repeated attempts to resolve the matter with holier-than-thou Coulter and her attorney but has been rebuffed. The horse-faced pundit's registration lists the address of her realtor Suzanne Frisbie, rather than her own, Anderson said.

Anderson said an initial letter was sent to Coulter on March 27 requesting that she clarify her address for the voting records "or face the possibility of her voter registration being rescinded.'' This little setback would obviously prove to be a tad embarassing to rather political hack, wouldn't it?

Three more letters were sent to Coulter and her attorney over the next several months, but she has yet to respond with the information requested, Anderson said.

In July, Anderson said, he received a letter from Coulter's attorney, Marcos Daniel Jimenez D'Clouet (who says she doesn't like the French?). The letter said the attorney would only discuss the matter in person or by telephone because he complained Anderson had given details to the media. After all, she's the only one allowed to point the accusatory finger at people in the media. Anderson said the matter had to be discussed in writing.

Knowingly voting in a wrong precinct is a third-degree felony punishable by up to five years in prison, said Mike Edmondson, a spokesman for the state attorney's office in West Palm Beach.

Edmondson said his office generally reviews such cases, then turns them over to local authorities for a full investigation that could result in an arrest if intent is proven.

Of course, given such a polarizing figure as Ann the Man, reaction to this is, not surprisingly, mixed. "No wonder the Arabs and the North Koreans want to bomb us and wipe us out. This country has stupid politicians and the voters are the ones to be blamed," said one person who goes by the name 'Voter'.

Some think the people at the polling place should be arrested instead, since they let her get away with it in the first place, which seems fitting since the Republicans are the "blame everyone else" party.

Another poster, Mario, thinks that "five years in prison may be a bit too severe for knowingly voting in the wrong precinct. I think several sessions in one of Dick Cheney's waterboards in the middle of City Place might be more appropriate, if she's convicted."

'Devout Republican' from Boca Raton says it's the fault of us evil lefties. "The only thing that's corrupt are the liberals that want to persecute and prosecute a fine American like Ann Coulter. She speaks the unbiased truth, yet is persecuted for her Christian beliefs. While the right stays Right, the left attempts to slander truth and morality. Fortunately, they will find their fate in eternal damnation.

"Pick on the insanely biased, slanted Left like Stewart, Maher and Franken if you want to go after someone. Ann Coulter, like Rush Limbaugh, is fair, open-minded and stands behind her convictions. For that she has the respect of every god-fearing Christian in the greatest country in the world.

"Anyone with half a brain can see that one party seeks fairness and the truth while the other is full of lies and deceit. It doesn't take a genius to tell which is which."

Mmmmmm.....okaaaaaaaayyyyyy.

The Powerline mafia in Minnesota must be astroturfing, as there are several posts in a row from Minneapolis (gee, I don't even recall knowing any freepers when I lived there). One says that just because others do it, it's perfectly okay for them. "Somebody should point out how many thousands of people in each state unwittingly vote at the wrong place each election. There is no crime here." The other Powerline Punch drinker throws out the cliched talking points by claiming that "JFK would not recognize the George Soros Michael Moore Democrats of today."

Uhhhh... George Soros? I sure wish someone would tell me what crimes George Soros committed, and why the wingnuts like to put this guy up as the anti-Christ. I mean, sure he has money. But anyone who supports a party propped up by nefarious characters like trust-fund muckraker Richard Scaife, cult leader/Washington Times owner Sun Myung Moon Swiftnut Bob Perry and Amway pyramid schemer Richard DeVos shouldn't cast stones from within the proverbial glass house.

Another person has a suggestion about future roommates, thinking that "she can share a cell with Limbaugh and Foley."

'Patriot' in Delray Beach chimes in with "As a proud Republican I can say, without being accused of being a "liberal Democrat", such behavior is typical of the neo-con scum that run the country."

However, the best line of 'em all comes from 'Who Knew' in Pompano Beach, who exclaims "It's amazing that a man can look that good in a dress." Runner-up is from 'Jerry S', who compliments her 'manhands'.

There's an old saying, "one who lives by the sword dies by it." In other words, it's a concept known as karma. And it couldn't have happened to a nicer person. Perhaps a fitting punishment would be from The Jersey Girls, whome the Queen of Mean refers to as 'witches' and 'harpies' (and who should know better, right) beating her with sticks.

Paranoia and “Propagandapalooza!”

Desperation leads some to make some pretty transparent gestures.

Here's the situation. Your approval ratings have been hovering in the low-to-mid 30s for quite some time. Your war is going horribly. Your party is on the verge of collapse and may very well lose control of Congress in the upcoming elections in two weeks. Your base is turning against you and your party. Americans are even starting to call you out on your persistent fear-mongering. People are just plain getting sick of the GOP shuck n' jive and are ready for the grown-ups to come in and clean house. You're even starting to trip over your own lies.

Here's another hint: Ever notice Dubya stutters and stammers more and babbles like an idiot when in panic mode?

So, what does Georgie Porgie do? On Tuesday he decided to throw a big tent party on the White House grounds for his biggest lackeys, as well as a few who have strayed from the flock. Lawn darts, pony rides, jugglers, chocolate cake. Well, not that kind of party. But there were plenty of clowns on hand. For his little children's party, he invited talk radio show hosts, both local and national, to the White House for a go-round of Bush Administration shills. A cornucopia of the usual suspects, including Karl Rove, Tony Snow, Condoleeza Rice, Donald Rumsfeld, Dan Bartlett and the usual gang of idiots. People are turning against his party, so it's time to rally the base, and suck up to the propaganda brigade that has slowly started to move away from him.

Not to be confused with his little propaganda pow-wow a few weeks ago, this one was a much bigger event. And it took place on the South Lawn. 'Fair and balanced'© syndicated squawkers such as Sean Hannity, Neal Boortz, Glenn Beck and others were among the 42 talk radio hosts there. There were quite a few anonymous local Rush Limbaugh clones in attendence as well.

So, with this being a rather unrestricted access event to some of the key members of our government, i.e. the ones who collect paychecks from us, one would expect a representative sampling of hosts spanning the political spectrum, right? Or, heaven forbid, even some real journalists? After all, who's paying for this little picnic anyway? Who's footing the bill for the big tent and the porta-potties? You'd thing an event like this would be open to what passes for our mainstream media, right? Well, there was no sign of CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, PBS, etc. And certainly no liberal talk show hosts either. Rachel Maddow of Air America Radio requested an invite, but her request went unanswered. Reportedly, the same thing happened to Ed Schultz, who hosts a highly popular afternoon show on over 100 stations across the country. Well, in the interest of fairness, Robert Siegel of NPR was in attendence, because NPR is never mean to anyone. Very low threat level there. FOX News token liberal Juan Williams, who also works for NPR, was there. These are obviously examples of media figures the White House considers 'liberals'.

So, the White House opened the doors once again to so-called 'journalists' who spout things like, "The liberal media wants to suppress the vote, they want to convince you that this race is over, they want you to go away and they want us to lose. I'm here to tell you that you have the power." That is what Hannity told a Republican rally in Cincinnati last week in a jab at the so-called 'liberal mainstream media'.

What's ironic is that Hannity IS PART of the 'mainstream media', though the irony obviously went straight over his head. Well, at least he's an out-front media whore when he's not helping gay men find their soul mates.

Perhaps it is best to see this little shindig for what it really is. The GOP is in panic mode. First was the whole Foley thing and subsequent fallout, which made the party of 'family values' look like complete frauds to the rest of the country that hadn't quite figured that out yet. Then the Bob Woodward book showed them to be liars. And a former White House insider, miffed at how much the Bush Adminstration ridiculed their Christian fundamentalist base, spilled the beans, claiming that Bush, Rove, etc. thought they were just a bunch of “nuts”.

And just the other day, after actor and Parkinson's sufferer Michael J. Fox's campaign ads for pro-stem cell candidates began airing during the World Series, Rush Limbaugh went on the air and accused him of hamming it up and faking it, even (gasp!) going off his meds. He even tried a half-assed backpedal when even his own listeners turned on him. Yes, the same Rush Limbaugh who elicited sympathy for his hearing loss a few years back. Yes, the same Rush Limbaugh who's hearing loss could have been attributed to his massive, near-fatal intake of hillbilly heroin (aka OxyContin). And yes, the same recovering drug addict Rush Limbaugh who was held at airport customs for trying to smuggle Viagra into the Dominican Republic for him and his male buddies. Yes, the same Rush Limbaugh who is a hypocritical drug-addicted pile of whale shit.

Of course, it's hard work reigning in your loyal lapdogs. Otherwise the White House would be able to control walking freak shows like the evil, shrill Melanie Morgan, a conservative radio/TV lunatic who practically abandoned her own family to fuel her expensive gambling addiction, yet tries to spread vile lies about Cindy Sheehan, a woman who lost her son in Iraq. Then again, this would take all the fun out of watching these people embarass themselves.

The conservative radio chop shop

As much as know-nothings like THEEE Radio Tranquilizer and their ilk like to claim that Air America Radio has no money and they're going bankrupt, or that they steal money from little kids, I notice that they don't peek around in their own backyards.

Case in point is an obscure network called Radio America. Never heard of them? Well, they seem to keep a pretty low profile. Ever hear of Steve Gill? You're not alone. He's the afternoon drive host. How about Michael Reagan? Yep, the guy who's made what loosely passes for a living off his adoptive father's name has his own show. G. Gordon Liddy? Yep, the Watergate felon is there too. And of course, the moderate Doug Stephan.

According to their website, they broadcast via three satellites and have over 400 affiliates. Of course, G. Gordon Liddy is not blasting his trainwreck of a radio show over 400 stations. Much of these affiliates pick up weekend lifestyle programming like Car and Driver Radio, The Money Pit (insert joke here) and Good Parenting. In other words, 'Talk Radio Helper' for the weekends when few are listening. You know, stuff like Ben Ferguson.

But the kicker is that they claim to be a 'non-profit' organization. Well, I guess that's one way to get away from all the financial scrutiny. Write it all off and get tax breaks up the wazoo! Allegedly, they're a division of something called The American Studies Center, a non-profit, 501(c)(3) educational foundation. Of course, the vaguely-named 'Center' has no web presence except for Radio America.

Radio America is funded by contributions from foundations and individuals and advertising revenue. So if any wingnuts rag on you about Shel Drobny and others seeking private donations for their radio station startups, just show 'em this article.

And... here's the kicker (there always is one, right?). They'll even take your junk car as a donation! Yes, you read that right. They want your piece-of-shit car! In other words, one man's trash allows more trash to be broadcast over the airwaves! They'll even send someone out to pick it up, which I guess explains what Ben Ferguson does during the week.

Old car donation is a common method of donating to non-profits. But most of these non-profits are truly organizations that need it, like ones that help inner city children. By taking in a car donation that could easily go to a much more needy group, are they taking money out of real community organizations to fund their conservotalk venture? And might I say as well that Radio America also sells advertising time on their shows? Who's more deserving here?

I assume the promise of a company car is what lured the likes of Gordo to the confines of Radio America. Unfortunately for him, he didn't realize what they considered to be "a company car". Is Ben the chauffeur as well?


a>Ooops! Time to call Xzibit at MTV. "HELP ME! PIMP MY RIDE!"



They take in boats and yachts as well, so I guess that explains where this hideous picture was taken.

Sorry, the jokes just write themselves today. Enjoy the weekend! And remember, there is still hope for your beater!