Beyond the Valley of the Stupid Media Whores

As the new Democratic-majority Congress has opened up shop, it appears that the so-called 'liberal media' is quickly going batshit crazy.

First off, Disney/ABC, fresh off a potential P.R. fiasco in regard to the Spocko/KSFO incident and the whole "Path to 9/11" controversy (though we forgot all about that one, huh?) comes news that the company has hired a new commentator for the network's "Good Morning America" show - Glen Beck. Yes, that Glen Beck.

The same Glen Beck who pleaded with incoming congressman Keith Ellison of Minnesota, a Muslim to "prove to me that you are not working with our enemies." The same Glen Beck who claimed, "I believe there is a cancer that is radicalized Islam, and it must be cut out or it's going to kill all of us." Oh, and the same one who, in his most culturally-sensitive way, mocked Islam by "mark[ing] the death" of Al Qaeda leader Abu Musab al-Zarqawi with a "Zarqawi bacon cake." And declared that "Muslims who have sat on your frickin' hands the whole time" rather than "lining up to shoot the bad Muslims in the head" will face dire consequences.

But it's not all a Islam bash-fest. Beck referred to "those who were left in New Orleans [during Hurricane Katrina], or who decided to stay" as "scumbags." He claimed that there are three reasons that an illegal immigrant "comes across the border in the middle of the night: One, they're terrorists; two, they're escaping the law; or three, they're hungry. They can't make a living in their own dirtbag country." Glen Beck obviously doesn't like dark-skinned people. Or anyone, for that matter. Somebody must have really pissed him off in rehab, huh?

So, what will be Glen Beck's new job at GMA? Well, 'cultural commentator', of course. And no, I'm not making this up.

Nonetheless, ABC, which has arrogantly pissed off so many people with the "Path to 9/11" thing (which got crappy ratings and poor reviews anyway) and using radio stations like KSFO, WABC and WLS basically as GOP propaganda outlets has found a way to chase away even more viewers by hiring a wacky, crude, unfunny morning zoo racist to comment on 'cultural issues'? The mouse has indeed roared, but in this case, it sounds more like a bowel movement.

One wonders what all these people see in Beck anyway. His radio show has been plodding along for a few years now, losing and gaining affiliates in erratic amounts. He just got bumped off one of his most prized affiliates in Columbus, but has since been picked up by a weak FM station there. And his nightly show on CNN Headline News gets the lowest ratings of any prime time news talk show. How bad? On Monday, a mere 278,000 tuned in. The mind-numblingly horrible Nancy Grace, who follows him, almost doubled that number, before losing well over half the audience for the Beck replay that followed. Oh, and her replay following that boosted the number once again. It says a lot when the nightly dead blonde report brings in more viewers than Beck's phony conservative schtick. Time to go back to the bottle?

As much as we like to diss the FOX network, I'll give them at least some credit in that many of their broadcast outlets outside of FOX 'News' tend to be a bit more edgy. "The Simpsons" is still one of the most subversive shows on the air, and the FX network is known for rather provocative fare such as "Nip/Tuck". But that 'News' channel? Aye yi yi! First off, I could care less that Sean Hannity's getting his own Sunday night show. That's a TV news graveyard anyway. But why they still employ Jerry Rivers Geraldo Rivera is beyond me. The self-imagined hardass, fresh off the cancellation of his syndicated TV show, has issued a fatwa against MSNBC's Keith Olbermann, threatening to kick his ass.

On a radio interview with WTKS/Orlando's "Monsters of the Morning," he was was about the 2003 incident where he made international headlines for disclosing too much information about troops in Iraq (drawing diagrams of troop movements in the sand will do that). Geraldo claimed the incident was blown out of proportion, largely by NBC -- and specifically Olbermann. Geraldo then began mumbling semi-audible names, seemingly meant to describe Olbermann: "midget ... punk ... slimeball."

He also called Olbermann a coward -- specifically a "pussy who wouldn't walk across the street against the red light." He then said he was ready to fight him, saying: "I would make a pizza out of him." Olbermann, taking all of this in a humorous manner, joked about it yesterday on the ESPN Radio show he co-hosts with Dan Patrick, saying he had no idea why Geraldo called him a "midget, which is interesting since I'm like seven inches taller than he is! (Olbermann is 6'3")." (mp3 link - 7 minutes in)

"Now you've got the trifecta - Bill O'Reilly, Rush Limbaugh and Geraldo Rivera," said Patrick. Keith responded, "if you get Rush on his back, it's over." And all he'd have to do to beat Geraldo is "sit on him". Bill O'Reilly is the same height as Olbermann, "so that would probably be a fair fight."

Patrick suggested Olbermann grab Geraldo's mustache, but Keith said "Yeah, but then it comes off! That's not real, are you crazy? He got it from the guy in HMS Pinafore - the 'modern major general'!" Dan asked if Geraldo's mustache was similar to Rollie Fingers', and Keith said "No, Rollie Fingers had a GOOD one!"

Later, on his MSNBC show Countdown, Olbermann lashed back at Geraldo, saying, "Geraldo, you should not give me a hard time. I can still remember when you were a big deal ... back when I was a kid."

So, why is Geraldo picking a fight with Olbermann? After all, he got his ass punked pretty bad when he tried to take on Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, saying that the pair's respective shows pander to the lowest common denominator, specifically stating that they "play clips of old ladies slipping on ice and people laughing." This coming from a guy who's nose was broken in a 1998 on-set brawl that came as a result of intentionally booking neo-Nazis, skinheads, black activists, and Jewish activists on the same show. Guess he didn't see that one coming, huh? The attack on Stewart and Colbert likely came as a result of a bit where Colbert (in character as an exaggerated Rivera-esque reporter) drew, in sand, how Geraldo's head had moved down his torso and "up his ass." Seems "war correspondent" Jerry Rivers is a bit sensitive about that whole incident, huh?

Or perhaps Geraldo, now just a lowly FOX 'News' talking head is just trying to stay in the limelight, perhaps taking a cue from that ridiculous Rosie/Donald 'feud' from a few weeks ago that nobody really gives a shit about. Just like we really don't give a shit about Geraldo, but what the hey, it's like watching a train wreck. And that's why you're reading this now, right?

And finally, remember that Ann Coulter felony charge for voting improprieties? Well, Annthrax seems to be having a little luck in the case. So far. Palm Beach elections boss Arthur Anderson is getting caught up in red tape with local police and county law enforcement authorities, and is now trying to get the Florida State Police involved. In other words, the whole thing is just plodding along.

After Anderson asked the Palm Beach PD for help, the department issued a three-page report last month hinting at troubles ahead for Coulter. According to the report, she could end up charged with: one felony count for signing a voter form claiming she lived at her Realtor's Indian Road home instead of her Seabreeze Avenue homestead; one felony count for "unauthorized possession of a driver's license," also for providing the same wrong address when obtaining her license; and a misdemeanor for knowingly voting in the wrong precinct.