Tuesday, November 14, 2006

FOX News internal memo says terrorists love Democratic Congress

Ever wonder what goes on inside the offices of the FOX 'News' Channel on a day like, oh, the 2006 Election? A day that saw their benefactors in the GOP get their asses handed to them as a depressed (and constipated)-looking Brit Hume delivered the RNC marching orders to the faithful flock?

Well, Huffington Post has obtained an internal Fox 'News' talking points memo written by the network's Vice President of 'news'. The memo details FOX's game plan the day Democrats won control of both the Senate and the House. And it shows just how 'fair and balanced' they really are. And it shows that you too can be a VP of 'news' at FOX, even if your grammar sucks!

According to Media Matters for America, the VP who writes these words of wit is John Moody. And he's been entertaining staffers with these 'marching orders' for several years now.

Here's the memo - typos, fake news, warts and all. And remember, I report, you decide:

A couple of thumpees -- to use a variation of Bush's term -- speak today.
Webb has won in Virginia. The balance of power in the Senate is now 51-49 Dem (Sanders and Lieberman will organize with the D's). He'll come out and concede. Let's take it.'

Rumsfeld had a previous speaking engagement in Kansas. He ought to be in a fine mood. Can one fake smile hide that much frustration? We'll take that too.

The elections and Rumsfeld's resignation were a major event, but not the end of the world. The war on terror goes on without interruption. Jennifer Griffin sent in info on Hamas' call for attacks on American interests. And let's be on the lookout for any statements from the Iraqi insurgents, who must be thrilled at the prospect of a Dem-controlled congress.

The question of the day, and indeed for the rest of bush's term, is: What's the Dem plan for Iraq? THis could be a very short live shot for Jim Angle, but he'll try.

In the House, the newly empowered Dems will shed some fraternal blood before settling in. Murtha will challenge HOyer for the leadership. A former hawk v. a political hack. Garrett will observe.

We'll continue to work the Hamas threat to the US that came hours after the election results. Griffin and Tobin will include in their lives. Just because the Dems won, the war on terror isnt' over.

Yes indeed, that's "Real Journalism - Fair and Balanced". Granted, I'm sure most people realized that the FOX 'News' Channel was really the FOX Infotainment Channel. Particularly since what they do can't really be considered 'real news'. Let's face it, most of their programming consists of vapid bimbettes and know-nothing pundits screaming talking points at each other. The faithful amuse themselves to the sight of Bill O'Reilly interviewing himself every night. And "Asshat and Doormat"... er, "Hannity and 'Liberal To Be Determined'" featuring the screechers and howlers of the day. And don't forget the one and only Geraldo Rivera, '70s porno moustache and all, in his overzealous ambition to play soldier, helping to further the cause of journalism by giving out U.S. troop movements and hiding in ditches on live TV. Yes, that's FOX 'News' for ya! And I guess we owe them a round of applause for keeping freepers stupid for Ten Whole Years!

After all, they might as well go for broke now, especially since their aging audience is either dying off, turning to "Wheel Of Fortune" or just plain changing the channel. What's this about Olbermann getting close to toppling O'Reilly in the ratings? Nah, can't be! 'Cuz if you don't watch FOX 'News', you're not a real American. Kinda like their Australian owner, right?

And I'll bet most of you learned more about current events from watching "The Simpsons" on their bread-and-butter network. Oh, stop being so silly! And "Shut up, shut up, shut up!!!"

Oh, and if you really want to see what goes on inside the belly of the beast, and find out why they say the things they do, check out the great 2004 documentary "Outfoxed". Both parts one and two are on the YouTube, or you can buy the DVD through the official website. Don't forget the popcorn!

UPDATE: Doesn't look like a very good day for FOX 'News'. And article in World Net Daily (linked at Buzzflash) says that FOX News (or someone representing them) paid a $2 million ransom to free two of their reporters several months ago. The Palestinian terrorist group that did the kidnapping then used the money to buy more weapons, the intent being "to hit the Zionists." And yes, whoever paid the money could be charged under U.S. anti-terrorist legislation. As Bill-O would say, "Who's looking out for you?"

And if you really care, the FOX TV network will be interviewing O.J. Simpson on November 27 and 28, as Orenthal James tells all how he would have killed Nicole. That is, if he did it.

Can anyone say, "jump the shark"?

UPDATE: Slate has even more Moody memos!


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