Television alert: Child indoctrination warning

Here's a heads-up on a couple television appearances designed to scare the crap out of paranoid right-wingers. And it involves their two favorite bogeymen: Michael Moore and President Obama.

And to all you scaredy-cat tighty-righties out there reading this, yes, they do plan on bringing straws, which will allow them to suck the brains of you and your children. Mwaaaah ha ha ha!

First, President Obama , a man not afraid to tell it like it is, will be the sole guest on the "Late Show with David Letterman" next Monday, capping off a weekend media blitz to sell his health care plan. He'll also be on this Sunday morning's talking head shows on ABC, CBS, NBC and CNN as well. Now, this serves as a warning to the weak-willed to protect their narrow-minded offspring, since that 'stay in school' speech, basically the same kind of speech given by guys named Reagan and Bush, obviously turned conservative kin into zombies. Ahh, can't you just feel the sarcasm...

And set those DVRs (or VCRs, for those of you kickin' it old school) for tonight, as filmmaker Michael Moore will proceed to frighten the living shit out of right-wing America, on the new "Jay Leno Show" on NBC (10P ET). He will no doubt talk about his new movie, "Capitalism: A Love Story", set to be unleashed October 2. Lock up the children, or force them to watch FOX Noise or some shitty Kirk Cameron flick.

Although one silly weak-minded fool who commented on a different entry yesterday claimed that "the millionaire is telling us capitalism is evil", he obviously has not seen the film yet, since it hasn't been released yet. Therefore, said garbage-eating animal has no clue as to what it is actually about (at least watch the trailer!). Evidently, the overlords representing him and his ilk have already decided what the film is all about, and told their flock to think accordingly. Quite frankly, I dig it when uptight wingnuts freak out over stuff like this, so I hope Moore's new flick is a box office smash. Meanwhile, they've got crazy shouting guys with chalkboards spouting lies on FOX 'News'. Advantage: Us.

The October cinematic surprise, Part 2: When filmmakers attack (each other)

Note: You can find Part 1 here

Earlier, I gave you my assessment of "Obsession: Radical Islam's War Against The West," an inflammatory documentary which was distributed last week in newspapers across the country. While "Obsession" is a serious documentary that in part is unintentionally funny, an upcoming release from a renowned comedy director looks like it may just elicit groans.

Enter the newest effort from David Zucker. Over the past three decades, the Wisconsin native has become a sort of comedy legend. With his brother Jerry and childhood friend Jim Abrahams, the trio got their start with 1975's "Ketucky Fried Movie," a silly low-budget assault of short bits and gags. I actually admit to owning this oddball gem on VHS. The trio hit paydirt with their next film, the classic "Airplane!" in 1980, a hilarious mashup of early 70's disaster flicks and 50's war films. The movie was a smash, putting them in the same league as Mel Brooks, Woody Allen and other film satirists of the day, and led to other similar projects, including "Top Secret!" (melding Elvis movies and spy flicks) and "The Naked Gun," which evolved from a outrageous, short-lived "Dragnet" spoof called "Police Squad!" that lasted a mere six episodes on ABC in 1982.

Over the years, Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker (ZAZ) inspired many imitators, some good (like Keenan Ivory Wayans) and some really terrible (like Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, the guys behind the recent "Disaster Movie" and similar quickie so-called pop culture 'comedies'), but David on his own soon began to imitate himself, as if he were recycling past glories. In the meantime, Zucker also had a personal revelation. He found Republicanism.

Zucker could be best described as a "9/11 Republican." Like Dennis Miller, Ron Silver and other self-described 'former Hollywood liberals,' he formed the idea that George W. Bush and the GOP could keep us safe from terrorist attacks (though that obviously didn't happen in September, 2001). All it would take is to wage war in Iraq, lower taxes for rich people, tie yellow ribbons, do a lot of flag waving and listen to Lee Greenwood songs. And label anyone who stands in opposition as 'un-American traitors.'

During the past few years, Zucker's new-found faith found itself creeping into his artistic work. He directed a few shorts for right-wing think tanks, released on the internet, that attacked Democrats such as John Kerry, and repeated the tired 'tax and spend' rhetoric. Zucker also made a short mocking former Secretary of State Madeline Albright. Unfortunately, the short was released in 2006, almost six years after Albright and the rest of President Clinton's administration left office.

Okay, so Zucker's recent work seems evident of someone living in the past. And his recent cinematic output seems to milk past glories. How out of touch is David Zucker? His upcoming release, out October 3, is called "An American Carol," and mocks Michael Moore, and his 2004 documentary smash, "Fahrenheit 9/11." More than four years after numerous other films did exactly the same thing. A summary on Wikipedia describes it as such

Left-wing activist and filmmaker Michael Malone (subtle, huh?) is campaigning to end the celebration of the Fourth of July (WTF???). Malone truculently argues to the American people that America's past and present are offensive, and therefore should not be celebrated. Malone is then visited by three ghosts, George Washington, George S. Patton, and John F. Kennedy, who try to make him rethink his view of America

Years ago, some would call a film with this premise evidence of too much cocaine flowing through Hollywood. these days, it appears to be too much Kool-Aid. Now, normally I don't like to criticize films I have not seen. I held off on passing any kind of judgement on the "Obsession" DVD until I actually had a chance to sit down and watch it. As Zucker's new offering has yet to be released, all I have to go on is a synopsis, some promotional materials, the listing of cast and crew and a trailer. But seeing as a studio executive or potential producer can initially make a yes or no decision based on a mere sales pitch, and syndicated right-wing columnists like Kathleen Parker are already drooling over it, well, I guess I can give it my best shot

The film, a rehash of the famous Charles Dickens Christmas fable, features a who's-who of right-wing Hollywood, with the likes of Kelsey Grammer, Jon Voight, Dennis Hopper, James Woods and country singer Trace Adkins on board. Longtime Zucker regular Leslie Nielsen also appears, as well as has-beens Kevin (Hercules) Sorbo and Gary Coleman. Oh, and Bill O'Reilly appears as himself. Somehow, I get the feeling that quite a few Hollywood executives took a pass when they heard what had to be an obviously weak-ass pitch.

So, what do I think? First off, this film reeks of something that's been sitting on the shelf for a long, long time, well past its expiration date. In other words, it sounds really, really stale. Cheapie right-wing hit pieces attacking Moore came and went years ago, and have long since been forgotten. Trey Parker and Matt Stone already milked the Moore parody bit years ago in "Team America: World Police." Moore has also moved on since 2004, and his most recent release, "Sicko," took a markedly different tone than "Fahrenheit 9/11." The premise of "An American Carol" sounds as timely as a Monica Lewinsky blow job joke. And if this film is a Christmas story about Independence Day, why release it in early October

Second, Zucker, like many right-wingers of 4-5 years ago, makes really stupid arguments. He pokes fun at a fact that really doesn't exist. Namely, he accuses someone of being un-American, simply because he disagrees with him. It's a vile, classless, immature and uninformed accusation, since our country was founded and built on dissent and activism. Think we'd have the abolition of slavery, women's sufferage, the 40-hour work week, the end of child labor and civil rights unless brave people spoke up and challenged the system? Noted rabble-rouser Susan B. Anthony was eventually featured on U.S. currency. Martin Luther King has a federal holiday and a Capitol Mall memorial on the way. Upton Sinclair's works are still studied in classrooms. Are they traitors? Do they hate America? Right-wingers who attack Bush dissenters for being 'un-American' are intellectually lazy and are apparently oblivious to the history of our country and what it's about. To assume someone like Michael Moore, who obviously loves his country enough to try to make it better, wants to abolish the Fourth of July is just plain lame. And when the patriotism bit plays itself out, all Zucker is left with is fat jokes. But I guess that's what David Zucker has devolved into.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all for satire from all types of viewpoints, so long as it's actually good. The varied viewpoints of 300 million people are what make this country what it is. It is sad, though, that conservatives have a hard time finding things to laugh about. Political humor tends to work better when it rails against the establishment. That's what gave us Lenny Bruce, George Carlin and Hunter S. Thompson. And like it or not, conservatism, which represents the interests of the wealthy and powerful, is about as establishment as one gets. Nobody likes to laugh at the little guy. And that's why most right-wing humor fails.

That's not to say there aren't any funny conservatives. Writer P.J. O'Rourke honed his craft as a rightie railing against the ultra-liberal late-60s atmosphere of Harvard. The late William F. Buckley was also rather witty, because he had a personable self-depricating style and was smart enough to never take himself too seriously. The 'Blue Collar Comedy' guys like Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy, obviously conservative in their politics, scored not with red state rants but with good 'ol boy Southern humor. Conservative comedian Drew Carey is more about dick jokes in his routines than pro-Dick Cheney rhetoric. The problem, as I've mentioned in the past, is that politically-tinged right-wing humorists take themselves too seriously, and come across as out-of-touch or just plain whiney. Conservative cartoonists such as Bruce Tinsley or Michael Ramirez recycle tired stereotypes into eye-rolling dreck, and nobody's laughed at Rush Limbaugh's jokes since the Clinton administration, after he retreated to his South Florida drug-fueled multi-millionaire exile. Limbaugh's main problem is that he now plays golf with the very establishment that he should be challenging. Ann Coulter comes across as too cruel to garner any laughs, apart from desperate followers in the flock

But back to Zucker's movie. Some may ask why I'm even drawing attention to it. Well, it looks like it will need all the help it can get. "An American Carol" just doesn't look like a big box office smash. Rather, it has all the appearances of something that's just being dumped unenthusiastically into the marketplace in the off-season. Heavy-handed politically-charged films have had a rough go at the cineplex in recent years, with even efforts featuring Hollywood heavyweights like Tom Cruise, Jamie Foxx and Brian DePalma landing with a thud. There are exceptions. Michael Moore has built his works into a very reliable brand, with films that are funny and informative, seem genuine and elicit populist sentiments. Socially-themed offerings like "An Inconvenient Truth," which nobody could have predicted success for, likewise inspired a passionate reaction from filmgoers in addition to strong word-of-mouth publicity. "Harold and Kumar" injected stoner humor into a funny and topical terrorism subplot. But with our economy in ruins, President Bush's approval ratings at historic lows and an expensive never-ending war in Iraq, will Zucker find enough people still sympathetic to his cause

Moore has kept a pretty good sense of humor about the whole thing. Shown a clip of the movie on Larry King's show recently, Moore expressed vague familiarity with "An American Carol," and joked that he felt Viggo Mortenson should have played him. Otherwise, he shrugged his shoulders and said, "I hope it's funny

And in this election season, Moore is not keeping quiet. He released "Fahrenheit 9/11" in the election year of 2004 in part to fire up voters. And for this election year, he is unleashing a long-in-the-works film, "Slacker Uprising," a documentary based on a 2004 college speaking tour of political swing states. Unlike his other films, this one won't be hitting the cineplex. Instead, he is giving it away, a free gift to his fans, similar to what Radiohead and Nine Inch Nails did with their recent music releases. Moore has teamed with Brave New Films to release "Slacker Uprising" as a free online download, starting today and available through October 13, with a low-priced extra-filled DVD also on the way

According to Moore:

It's also one of my contributions to help get out the vote November 4th. That's why I'm giving you my blanket permission to not only download it, but also to email it, burn it, and share it with anyone and everyone... I want you to use "Slacker Uprising" in any way you see fit to help with the election or to do the work that you do in your community. You can show my film in your local theater, your high school classroom, your college auditorium, your church, union hall or community center. You can have your friends and neighbors over to the house for a viewing. You can broadcast it on TV, on cable access, on regular channels or on the web. It's completely free -- I don't want to see a dime from this. And if you want, you can charge admission or ask for a donation if it's to raise money for a candidate, a voter drive, or for any non-profit or educational purpose. In other words -- it's yours!

"Slacker Uprising" is available for free download from a variety of sites as well as the film's official website And it's probably more genuine than David Zucker's upcoming 'comedy' movie that mocks him for, well, being an American.

A Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives ...by Michael Moore

I caught this article by Michael Moore this morning, and I felt it was worthy enough to pass along to readers of this blog. Enjoy!

To My Conservative Brothers and Sisters,

I know you are dismayed and disheartened at the results of last week's election. You're worried that the country is heading toward a very bad place you don't want it to go. Your 12-year Republican Revolution has ended with so much yet to do, so many promises left unfulfilled. You are in a funk, and I understand.

Well, cheer up, my friends! Do not despair. I have good news for you. I, and the millions of others who are now in charge with our Democratic Congress, have a pledge we would like to make to you, a list of promises that we offer you because we value you as our fellow Americans. You deserve to know what we plan to do with our newfound power -- and, to be specific, what we will do to you and for you.

Thus, here is our Liberal's Pledge to Disheartened Conservatives:

Dear Conservatives and Republicans,

I, and my fellow signatories, hereby make these promises to you:

1. We will always respect you for your conservative beliefs. We will never, ever, call you "unpatriotic" simply because you disagree with us. In fact, we encourage you to dissent and disagree with us.

2. We will let you marry whomever you want, even when some of us consider your behavior to be "different" or "immoral." Who you marry is none of our business. Love and be in love -- it's a wonderful gift.

3. We will not spend your grandchildren's money on our personal whims or to enrich our friends. It's your checkbook, too, and we will balance it for you.

4. When we soon bring our sons and daughters home from Iraq, we will bring your sons and daughters home, too. They deserve to live. We promise never to send your kids off to war based on either a mistake or a lie.

5. When we make America the last Western democracy to have universal health coverage, and all Americans are able to get help when they fall ill, we promise that you, too, will be able to see a doctor, regardless of your ability to pay. And when stem cell research delivers treatments and cures for diseases that affect you and your loved ones, we'll make sure those advances are available to you and your family, too.

6. Even though you have opposed environmental regulation, when we clean up our air and water, we, the Democratic majority, will let you, too, breathe the cleaner air and drink the purer water.

7. Should a mass murderer ever kill 3,000 people on our soil, we will devote every single resource to tracking him down and bringing him to justice. Immediately. We will protect you.

8. We will never stick our nose in your bedroom or your womb. What you do there as consenting adults is your business. We will continue to count your age from the moment you were born, not the moment you were conceived.

9. We will not take away your hunting guns. If you need an automatic weapon or a handgun to kill a bird or a deer, then you really aren't much of a hunter and you should, perhaps, pick up another sport. We will make our streets and schools as free as we can from these weapons and we will protect your children just as we would protect ours.

10. When we raise the minimum wage, we will pay you -- and your employees -- that new wage, too. When women are finally paid what men make, we will pay conservative women that wage, too.

11. We will respect your religious beliefs, even when you don't put those beliefs into practice. In fact, we will actively seek to promote your most radical religious beliefs ("Blessed are the poor," "Blessed are the peacemakers," "Love your enemies," "It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," and "Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me."). We will let people in other countries know that God doesn't just bless America, he blesses everyone. We will discourage religious intolerance and fanaticism -- starting with the fanaticism here at home, thus setting a good example for the rest of the world.

12. We will not tolerate politicians who are corrupt and who are bought and paid for by the rich. We will go after any elected leader who puts him or herself ahead of the people. And we promise you we will go after the corrupt politicians on our side FIRST. If we fail to do this, we need you to call us on it. Simply because we are in power does not give us the right to turn our heads the other way when our party goes astray. Please perform this important duty as the loyal opposition.

I promise all of the above to you because this is your country, too. You are every bit as American as we are. We are all in this together. We sink or swim as one. Thank you for your years of service to this country and for giving us the opportunity to see if we can make things a bit better for our 300 million fellow Americans -- and for the rest of the world.

Signed,

Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
(Click here to sign the pledge)
www.michaelmoore.com

P.S. Please feel free to pass this on.

"Fahrenheit 9/11½."

Michael Moore met with Harvey Weinstein and Moore says they plan to start working -- now -- on "Fahrenheit 9/11½."

"We want to get cameras rolling now and have it ready in two-three years," Moore says. "We want to document and commercialize it. Fifty-one percent of the American people lacked information (in this election) and we want to educate and enlighten them. They weren't told the truth. We're communicators and it's up to us to start doing it now. The official mourning period is over today and there is a silver lining -- George W. Bush is prohibited by law from running again."

And as for those who claim that Hollywood was an albatross on the Democrats' neck, Moore says, "America loves Hollywood. When given a chance to vote for someone from Hollywood, they jump in." He cited the history of successful Republican actor-politicians from George Murphy to Ronnie Reagan to Arnold. "Who is the Democrats' Arnold? We have a number of them. What American wouldn't vote for Tom Hanks? Hollywood is full of people like that." When I asked what actor would trade a $20 million salary and a percentage of the gross, he countered with "Let's pay the actor-politicians a presidential salary of $20 million -- plus a percentage of the GNP."

He says "Hollywood gets a chance for one more vote this year": Moore and Harvey are going ahead on the Oscar campaign for "Fahrenheit 9/11" in best picture and other applicable categories. Harvey told him, "Let's do it. And I said 'whatever Harvey wants, I'm ready.'" He isn't bothered by the absence of suitable category for a Golden Globe nomination --" We're not a musical, comedy or dramatic feature." He laughingly admits, "I don't know if people want to see me on the stage of the Kodak again. However, since my wife (Kathleen) was the producer, if I win -- she speaks!". Thousands of the "Fahrenheit" DVDs have been donated to libraries and schools. He gave them away on his trek through 63 cities in the past month -- they included stops in Ohio and Florida.

The issues (for the next film) have not changed because of the election. "They are Iraq and terrorism." He says he continues to get mail from the armed forces telling of their disappointments." I asked about his hate mail? "There's very little. It's dropped down to a few drive-by gloaters." And yes, he'll continue preparing his other film, "Sicko," on the national health care industry.

17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

Friday, November 5th, 2004

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of the Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water, all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least 3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the 2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53 chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47 chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber (Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.
Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
http://www.michaelmoore.com/