Forbes uncovers the vast liberal conspiracy

Throughout the Bush II era (and even before that), right-wingers had become quite adept at mocking and finger-pointing. Childish insults, full-out verbal attacks and just plain whining have been trademarks of this mindset. After all, who else fought so hard to make the word 'liberal' an insult?

So, what to make of an article from Forbes Magazine, a longtime bastion of fiscal conservatism? In their most recent issue, to mark the inauguration of President Obama (once again, it sounds pretty darn nice saying that), Forbes decided to rank the liberals. Meaning, of course, to make a list of who they think are the most influential liberals in the U.S. media.

Not surprisingly, if you work for a newspaper or television news operation, you are basically a liberal. Never mind that the mainstream media is really only as liberal as the ultraconservative corporations that own it. Humorously, the Washington editor of The Wall Street Journal, that longtime bastion of radical leftist commentary, is branded a 'liberal.' Who the hell wrote this list? Bill O'Reilly?

And how do they arrive at this thing anyway? Forbes defines a 'liberal' as someone who believes in "progressive income taxation; universal health care of some kind; opposition to the war in Iraq, and a certain queasiness about the war on terror; an instinctive preference for international diplomacy; the right to gay marriage; a woman's right to an abortion; environmentalism in some Kyoto Protocol-friendly form; and a rejection of the McCain-Palin ticket.

In other words, if you're a tree-hugging vegetarian that hates Bush, voted for Obama, doesn't like pollution, bitches about HMO's, doesn't believe in God, favors civil liberties, has dark skin and/or works at a major newspaper, then congratulations! You are a liberal!

Again, I really have no idea what to make of this list. It's loaded pretty heavily with bloggers and newspaper columnists. No Barbara Streisand, Sean Penn, Michael Moore or any of the other usual suspects (and I count them as part of the media). I'll be honest in saying that I haven't even heard of half of these people.

Of course, most readers of this blog are familiar with some of the names found here. Jon Stewart of Comedy Central's "The Daily Show" is #5. MSNBC/Air America host Rachel Maddow comes in at #7, just below... get ready... Oprah(!!!). MSNBC's Keith Olbermann got snubbed, and the gang at Forbes must really hate him, because Chris Matthews made it on here. They must assume that, because Olbermann also works for NBC Sports, he can't possibly be a liberal. Matthews cut his teeth working in the Carter Administration, so, by golly, he must be a liberal!

Apparently, if you're cranky, hate everyone and are an atheist, you are automatically a liberal. That's the only possible explanation for the inclusion of Christopher Hitchens and Andrew Sullivan.

The names that are on here are quite puzzling. Lots of representation from the dead tree division of the media, as there are a large number of newspaper columnists and editors here. The usual suspects, like Dowd, Freidman and Krugman (who finished #1).
So, make of this silly article what you will. The best response I've seen so far is from blogger Melissa McEwan, who said that "Forbes unintentionally (wrote) the best Onion piece I've read in ages." This whole list will be the topic of very short-lived debate that should only last about a minute or two, about the length of time this nonsensical article really deserves.

All in all, not a bad laugh for a Monday.